Sell Your Vote Wisely

Who would possibly condone such a practice as buying and selling votes? Who would actually admit to buying votes? And who on earth would acknowledge that his or her vote is actually for sale? No one, that I can imagine, would concede such a thing. In fact, everyone I know (including my friends hanging around the TR water cooler) would probably express disdain at such a practice. But it happens all the time.

Lobbyists, for example, are constantly accused of trying to buy votes from various members of Congress. Of course, it’s usually lobbyists from big oil, or the finance sector, or something along those lines who are the ones being accused of trying to buy votes; while the lobbyists for the public school teachers unions, or environmental causes, or for labor unions, etc. aren’t held to the same standards - even though they all do the same thing, which is attempting to influence members of Congress to introduce or vote, one way or the other, for some particular bill. (Which isn’t a bad thing, in and of itself; in fact, it’s even mentioned in our Constitution as something the government cannot prohibit - some nagging little provision about the right to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.)

Some Lobbyists have even gone to prison for attempting to buy votes. In fact, some members of Congress have also gone to prison for selling their vote. Lobbyist Jack Abramoff comes to mind, as does Congressman Randy “Duke” Cunningham. (Disclaimer: Democrats and Republicans alike both buy and sell their votes with impunity and regularity.)

Members of Congress buy and sell votes amongst themselves every day. Vote for my bill, one Congressman might say, and I’ll include that pork-barrel spending ….. I mean that targeted appropriation amendment for your district.

Greenpeace has, in the past, accused Japan of buying votes within the International Whaling Commission. Greenpeace further claims that Japan is disguising their vote-buying as some sort of overseas development aid money. I wonder if any other nations buy and sell their UN votes in exchange for some sort of aid money. No, that would never happen, would it? I also wonder if Greenpeace is concerned about nations selling their global warming vote? For some reason, I doubt it.

If a candidate running for office in your district approached you and offered you a crisp one hundred dollar bill in exchange for your vote, what would you do? Would you take the C-Note, or would you turn him/her in for attempted bribery? What if that same candidate promised you, in exchange for your vote, a $100 tax credit for something or other? Vote for me, a candidate might say, and I’ll give you a child tax credit, or an education tax credit, or an energy tax credit, or some other tax credit to go on top of the tax credit you already get; it doesn’t matter that you pay no taxes on which a credit can be applied, they’ll give you one anyway. (What’s that joke about having already determined what you are, but we’re only dickering over the price - or in this case, the method of payment?)

Vote for me, a candidate might say, and I’ll give your free health care. (The dirty little secret, however, is that the people accepting the bribe ….. I mean the promise, are the same ones paying for it!) Vote for me, and I’ll give you this, or that, or the other thing. Heck, tell me what you want to be bribed with, and consider it done!

For a practice that so frowned upon, there sure is a lot of buying and selling of votes going on. Do you know anyone who’s ever bought a vote? Do you know anyone who’s ever sold their vote? Come on, be honest. Is YOUR vote for sale? If so, here are some rules for buying and selling votes:

On buying votes. There are only two rules for buying votes: The first rule is to never use your own money. Use other people’s money to buy votes - no exceptions. If you use your own money to buy a vote, you probably bought yourself a stay in the iron-bar hotel (albeit a low security facility with a fully-equipped health club, a 5-star sushi bar, and an 18-hole golf course). Heck, you can even use the money that belongs to the person who’s selling their vote! Just make sure you can baffle them well enough so they don’t realize what you’re really doing. The second rule is that you have to call it something else. Whatever you do, don’t call it buying votes. Call it an entitlement. Call it aid. Call it security. Call it health care. Call it school lunches. Call it anything you want, but don’t call it buying votes. Moreover, do it in the name of compassion. That will mask what you’re really doing.

On selling votes: Be smart and hold-out for the best offer. This might be a difficult thing to decide, depending on how you look at it. On one hand, you might want to sell your vote to the person who offers you the most. On the other hand, however, you might want to sell your vote to the person who promises to take the least from you so he/she can pay for all those other votes being purchased from other people. It all depends on whether you’re on the receiving end or the paying end of the promise. Work it right, and you might receive more than you are forced to pay. To hell with all those other poor saps who don’t know how to finagle the best deal.

So there ya’ go. You have only one vote. Make sure you sell it wisely.